


Won't Say I'm Sorry

by Byakko Ta (BadDragon)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, One Shot, Other, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-24
Updated: 2007-05-24
Packaged: 2017-11-10 23:43:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/472037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadDragon/pseuds/Byakko%20Ta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you apologize for not recognizing his needs for help when you both were back in Konoha…He is still lost to you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Won't Say I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2007. I wanted to work on a second one shot connected to this, in Sasuke's point of view, but it has been on the back burner for quite I while... I still have a starting bit of in though, I think, in my files...
> 
> Written in Naruto's point of view...

Don't hesitate…

There.

If it's just pain…

Right there.

I can bear it…

Don't think about the why…

There he was.

But…

Don't question why.. he betrayed you…

Just on top of that ridge…

I can't stand the letting go part…

This person… This guy… Is not a fantasy.

"Sasuke." You say breathlessly. And it's him. Who you've been searching for… All this time. Reaching out to… Grappling for with outstretched hands, but only grasping air. It was the one you spent days thinking about… Nights dreaming of and crying out for. The one you held tightly onto in your memories.

And all your adventures were not just dreams.

"Naruto?" There's no emotion in his voice… But there, in his cold eyes… for just a moment… Something. A memory… Of us. In the End.

You refuse to believe that you didn't know him at all…

And all the time spent searching rinses off. You both are just starting your teens. There's only Team Seven, missions, and good-natured rivalry. That slowly morphed into a friendship.

Or was it just me that thought we were friends?

Because to admit it, is to claim that the bonds you retain were… are artificial.

It's what I hate the most about him…

But it all led to a conclusion you both never dreamed of, didn't it? Ultimately, he still hadn't understood you to the degree you longed for… But you… You aren't willing to let go, even if he said those things… About avenging… About you both suffering because of your bonds to each other… About cutting the very bonds you _still_ cling to… You even ignored it as he punched clean through your chest. A small price to pay to prove that… Well… Something had existed... Between the both of you...

_Then to admit the fakeness of your bonds…. Is to admit you have nothing…That you had nothing for all that time… That you were truly a fool grasping for something nonexistent._

**_He makes me so unsure of even my own mind..._ **

_And you just don't like acting the fool anymore, do you?_

But you ask the question burning in your mind despite everything… You need to know… It's a small desire needing to be fulfilled…

You refuse to be a fool again.. To lose your precious person…

"Then why…" Memories flash through your mind… Of you. Of him… Of both of you together… As friends… As rivals… Almost brothers…

And he is your precious person isn't he? It took you so long to see… What was missing; what was weakening you, why when you used to grow in strength in leaps and bounds…

' _Why Naruto? Why do you go so far for me?'_ It whispers in your ear, but you discard it quickly.. You bat it away, thinking that the answer should be quite obvious to the question in his almost dead eyes.

"If so, then why…? Why didn't you kill me then?!" It burns. Burns as you shout it. Admitting that you questioned him… Doubted him… Held doubts about the one you aspired to for years. That you needed him to explain it to you, the Dobe, the dead last, to finally understand… It's all you have wanted and waited for, for so long… Ever since the End… Where he tried to break your trust in him…

_But you held on… Told yourself to continue. Because he was you friend. Your rival. Your brother. Your destiny. Your..._ **everything**. 

_I aspired to be like him… because I adore him. I love him… even more than my pitiful self. And I can't live separated from him… I refuse to do so…_

This is why you desire him to come back… So things will be as they used to be… So you both can trust each other again… With him alone with that snake, you aren't sure, and it pains you to admit you aren't sure about him. Of him… Of his intentions… You aren't sure he's safe. From the snake taking over his body. From the other villagers because of his defection. From you, because you know that when he returns (you refuse to think 'if') you will want to hurt him the same way he hurt you, but you pray he won't be hurt too much because he's important to you.

You still have a bond with him…

Even if he refuses to see it, the strings are there...

"The reason is simple." He goes on to say…"It's not that I didn't cut those bonds." Something passes over him. He becomes colder somehow… "I didn't want to give him the pleasure of seeing me obtain power by following his ways. I merely spared your life on a whim."

And that bond...

It's about to be tested again… Just like before.

It hurts. That he says that. But he's always been harsh towards you. Truthful to the point of being painful. Nothing else to do but accept the truth. The answer you've desired, even if it isn't the reason you were hoping for. It hurts that he appears to not have missed you, despite earlier memories and emotions… It hurts to finally learn the feeling of true unrequited adoration. You knew it would come some day, but… There was a brief hope. Now it just crumbles like so many pieces of a broken glass.

Can you handle it?

You are hurt, but happy. You still hold him to be your precious person though. And for that reason, you _will_ bring him back to the village. So things will go back to the way they were.

You want to…

Friendly fighting.

You need to…

Friendly rivalry.

You have to.

Adoration from afar.

Will you be able to handle him punching through your chest again? He only nicked your heart last time…

At least he will be there in person this time, instead of in memories and dreams.

It's scarred over, but what if he doesn't miss this time around?

Then in seconds he's up close and in front of you. Close enough to feel heat coming from his skin. Close enough for your strong ears to pick up his beating heart inside his chest. Close enough for you to smell the scent that has just this past month finally dissipated from the Uchiha district for good.

**_If we fight again… Will I give in? Isn't having a precious person helping them to achieve their dreams? Isn't it… Haku? What should I do?_ **

**_What should I_ do?**

You're frozen in place with his arm resting on you. Contact. The first contact you have had in… was it years? It feels just like yesterday.. It feels like nothing has changed… No gangs are after the demon inside your belly. You haven't even heard of 'Orochimaru'… Kakashi-sensei is being a pervert again… D-rank missions are the majority of what you both team up to work on… He's always beating you in practice spars. You're grinning (or glaring at times) when your rival banter makes the aloof Uchiha cuff you, almost affectionately now, ever since Wave, on your head.

_Is it really bad that..._

_You've almost forgotten touch?_

But then he is speaking again, breaking you from memories being dragged into the light of day that have been shadowed these last few years during the night as you dream…

These past years has deadened your nerves… It is an unconscious way to shield yourself from anymore harm, isn't it?

"Come to think of it, isn't your dream to become Hokage?" His said next to your ear. You want to shiver... to react, but...

Dream? Which dream? He's mentioning a dream to you...

Does he not see the nights you've had? Are they not lying across your face for any trained Shinobi to see? Are you not obvious enough of your longing to have him as a friend again? For this embrace he is giving you to actually mean more than a lie to injure your pride?

Is the truth so underneath the underneath for him?

And which dream does he mean? The one to return him home, or to become a protector of the village you need him to reside in to want to protect? Should you admit your secret shame of not being true Hokage material? A true Hokage loves everyone in their village and wants to protect everyone. You… You only want to love him and protect him, even if, from the sidelines, others are saved in your actions… This is a secret shame you have not let anyone know yet…

Is your mask so well crafted that it hinders one of the survivors of a great clan that prided themselves on their great eyes able to see underneath the underneath?

"If you have the time to come chase after me, you should be training." He says, leaning closer to your ear, making you want to shiver more intensely. "Isn't that right, Naruto? That's why this time, at my whim, you'll lose your life."

**_I haven't gotten any closer to you, have I?_ **

And then, finally, though you were expexting it to happen at any moment, the bonds are tested again. You remain frozen as he slowly draws his sword. His words sink into you. Burning into your brain.

You haven't even paused for me…

"Can someone who can't even save one of his friends become Hokage?" You say quietly. Which everyone knows is out of the ordinary for you, because everyone knows you are loud. But not everyone knows you will do anything to return Sasuke to the guy he once was. He doesn't even know it yet. He's just brandishing his sword pointed away from you.

**You're still so far away...**

Will he not wait for you to catch up to him? Are you still just right below him that you are unable to win against him at least once?

If I…

Doesn't mean it can't meet your back in seconds if he wants it too… You know this. He knows this… Your other teammates for this mission know this. But you are still calm. You are still despairing. After all these years, you still have not reached far enough towards him. You are still grasping air. He is still much too far away for you to catch up.

 _If I_ apologize _…_

_If you apologize for not recognizing his needs for help when you both were back in Konoha…_ **He is still lost to you.**

Do you think he, too, will say he's sorry?

"What do you think, Sasuke?" You ask. He says nothing… There is a small pause. Then, swiftly, he shifts his brandished sword and brings it down, point aimed at the middle of you back.

Would you...

Could you...

In your mind the year of Team Seven flashes through your eyes. Being disappointed with being stuck with the teme…. Cursing the D-ranked missions that were obviously below you and, though you hated to admit it, your teme of a teammate, Sasuke… The Wave mission, where he actually risked his life for you… You saving his life in the Forest of Death…

**_Will you say it too?_ **

But in your mind, in your scarred heart, you swear you hear him whisper… Is it just a rustling of fabric? You aren't sure…

**_Teme?_ **

" _I won't say I'm sorry…_ "

And everything all around inside you shatters...


End file.
